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East Bay Marriage/Family Therapist - Joan Gold

Licensed East Bay Marriage & Family Therapist

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How Change Happens

As human beings, we all seem to be hard-wired to create safety out of clinging to what is familiar, even if what is familiar is also painful and self-defeating.

As a change-seeker ourselves, or a friend or family member of someone we believe needs to change, we may often be frustrated at how slow the change process works. What seems from a distance to be a simple alteration in behavior may be an impossibility for someone who has not yet reached that stage of the process.

What we have discovered over time is that stable, long-term change can be supported by friends, family and/or a good therapist, but true recovery is an inside job. Successful change happens when people are allowed to progress at their own rate through the following stages:

The Five Stages of Change

  1. Precontemplation – This is the stage when family or friends may be concerned about a behavioral problem, but the individual him/herself is not yet ready to change. Denial is the primary coping skill.
  2. Contemplation – This is the stage of dawning awareness that change may be necessary. Consequences have started breaking through denial, but no actual change has taken place.
  3. Preparation – At this stage, the individual starts considering a commitment to change in the future. A therapist can help by offering resources and treatment information.
  4. Action – This is when change may actually begin to occur. Instead of just talking about doing things differently, the individual starts setting limits around the problematic behavior.
  5. Maintenance – At this stage, the focus is on maintaining the new way of living. Relapse prevention and ongoing self-care is introduced and augmented. Therapy and a good support system helps sustain and deepen the work.

CAGE Assessment

CAGE is a widely used test for problem drinking. The test includes four questions and takes only a few minutes. It can be adapted to fit almost any addictive behavior.

  1. Have you ever felt you should CUT DOWN on your drinking?
  2. Have people ANNOYED you by criticizing your drinking?
  3. Have you ever felt GUILTY about your drinking?
  4. Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning as an EYE OPENER to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover?

A “yes” answer to two of more of the above questions indicates a possible problem. So does a defensive response to any question about drugs/alcohol or other addictive processes.

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December 20, 2010 By Joan Gold

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Joan Gold, MFT

East Bay Holistic Therapy
Ph. 510.418.2387
email
Office Address:
400 Estudillo Avenue #200
San Leandro, CA 94577

Articles

Building Self Esteem

April 7, 2019

Self-Soothing for Shame Attacks or Other Activated States

April 7, 2019

Healing Shame

July 3, 2016

Managing a Shame Attack

July 3, 2016

Getting the Most From Couples Therapy

July 4, 2013

Helpful Links

  • Calm Clinic
  • Center for Nonviolent Communication
  • Claudia Black On Recovery
  • Exploring Your Inner Parts
  • Self-Compassion Website
  • Tara Brach Guided Meditations
  • The Alice Miller Website
  • The Velveteen Rabitt

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Joan Gold, MFT

Joan Gold is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT #47108) specializing in  healing shame, addictions, trauma, relationships, creativity and personal growth.

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Contact Joan Gold at 510.418.2387 or email

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